For the last 6 months or so I have been feeling off… I’ve had pain in my body, specifically in my joints and I’ve been feeling more melancholic than usual. Sometimes I’ll ask Dimi if he feels hot because, well… I do… sometimes when it doesn’t seem normal to be hot.
I thought that maybe I was getting early symptoms of arthritis or something and so last week went to see a doc, did bloods and urine test and the results came back normal. I was feeling a little frustrated and like a bit of a hypochondriac. I mean… surely there is a reasonable medical reason for this, or maybe its something more serious that ‘they’ (the doctors) won’t know about until it’s too late… you know how the mind goes. Basically I was like ‘I am dying’, please fix me.
And then this morning I had a Oprah Ah-Ha moment… could it really be The Great Change? The Pre-eminent Pause? A quick google search confirmed my self diagnosis. Wohoo, I know whats going on with my body finally!
At 42 years, in my 43rd year, the wisdom has come for me. How will this new aspect of the constantly evolving me be, as a motherless woman? No doubt I will be my own kind of magic.
On receiving my self diagnosis (you clever girl!) I thought for a moment, how do I feel about this? I’ve decided that this is something to celebrate.
When I got my first menstruation I was horrified. My mom tried to make it a special thing and told a few of the woman family members at the next Sunday lunch. They each came to congratulate me… I nearly died of embarrassment and was upset with my mom for sharing such personal information with others.
Recently I read a Biography where the writer described how, in the Damara culture, when a girl gets her period, the whole village celebrates her becoming a woman with a feast. I think this is what my mom was trying to do for me, however there was no real common cultural backdrop for this. I hope this is changing for young woman everywhere.
This is the beginning of a beautiful journey and the next phase of my life. I honour all that has been and all that is to come. My body has been a great gift.
On that note I will leave you with the song that came into my head this morning after my self diagnosis.
And for the David Bowie Fans: